Listening vs. Deciding
Oliver Burkeman is the author of a book I love called Four Thousand Weeks. He has a lot of great insights, but one that sticks with me as especially practical in my day-to-day is this: there are two ways of moving forward when you're stuck. You can listen, or you can decide.
“When I’m structuring or outlining a piece of writing I find it helpful to remember that I’m just deciding – ie., not struggling to uncover the perfect structure that already exists out there, but just deciding what to put where. And yet when I’m actually writing it, it seems more helpful to remember that I can just listen – ie., hear from inside what it is I want to write, instead of having to decide which words to use. It’s odd, because these are sort of opposites.”
Listening is asking: what is needed here? What shape does this want to take? What's the next right thing to do? What are the challenges and the "bright spots" of this situation telling me is needed? Listening is a stance that positions you as the conduit. It's a strong way of letting your subconscious integrate a lot of signals into a path forward.
Deciding is asking: what choice will I make here? It's acknowledging that sometimes there isn't a right path forward — there's just the path you choose. Deciding positions you as the one responsible for making a choice and moving forward, even when you're not sure it's the right one.
It always feels great when we know exactly what to do, when we're architecting our way forward, building our future the way my son builds with his Duplos. But so much of the time, it feels like we’re fumbling in the dark. In those moments, it helps to pick one stance — listening or deciding — and commit to it. That choice becomes like the headlights on your car: you can't see the whole road ahead, but the light you have is enough to keep moving. It’s enough, and keeps being enough as you arrive.
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There are two ways to move forward when you're stuck: you can listen, or you can decide. Author Oliver Burkeman put it well — and it's changed how I think about the messy, uncertain parts of building something. Here's why picking a stance and committing to it is enough to keep you moving, even when you can't see the whole road ahead.